Show me your calendar and your checkbook and I will tell you what you value.
As you face the impact of AI on your organization, tension around remote work, and building strategy in a complex environment, you will need clear core values to make quality decisions and lead authentically. Yet, surprisingly, we have worked with over 600 leaders at Cairn Leadership over the years, and many of them had not given deep thought about their core values before we began working with them.
What are core values?
Core values are only one type of value we discuss on our adventures. Patrick Lencioni wrote an excellent article on company values, which also applies to your core values. The three key types of values he discusses are: aspirational, basic, and core values.
Aspirational Values
You wish you were more disciplined. You want to be more thoughtful. Whatever these aspirations are, you are working on them. If you tell people they are your core values, you are going to look like a hypocrite! If you tell people you are working on these, people will give you grace and support. It’s critical to identify values you don’t yet enact as aspirational!
Basic Values
Don’t label a value like hard work or honesty as core unless you go dramatically above and beyond. Companies that list honesty or hard work as foundational differentiators risk sounding hollow. These are expected behaviors, not exceptional values. No company would hire someone who said they don’t like to work and might sometimes lie when it’s convenient. In the same way, basic values are simple prerequisites to being a good human. They are important, but not fundamental to your identity.
Core Values
These are the values that uniquely make you you. You go out of your way to act on them. Your core values in action make up your character. Angela Duckworth points out that they drive everything you feel, think, say, and do. If you don’t know these core values and rely on them to drive decisions and actions often, you are like a rudderless ship on angry seas. If you do know them, you can discern the wisest ways to spend your time and energy toward a fulfilling life.
How to find your core values
If you search for core values on the internet, you’ll find myriad exercises that have you look at a long list of aspirational words. Pick 10, narrow it down to five, and voila, you have your core values. This is a shallow way to determine your values because it focuses on words instead of reflecting on actions. The research field of positive psychology defines our character as our values in action, and we agree. At Cairn Leadership, we begin a values exercise by examining what you do. Instead of focusing on general words like “integrity,” spend time reflecting on questions like:
Where do you spend your time and money? If you buy plane tickets every chance you get, you might value exploration or curiosity.
Who do you tend to avoid? If you avoid people who flake out on plans, it may indicate that you value respecting others’ time and commitment.
Who do you respect deeply? If you respect your mother because she is kind, it means something different than respecting your boss because she has iron discipline.
What are your pet peeves? If people taking forever to put cream and sugar into their Starbucks drink while you wait bugs you, you might value efficiency or thoughtfulness.
What are your life rules? A person who always stops to move turtles off the road might value helping others or compassion.
What do you do regularly that makes you cringe? If snapping at your spouse makes you cringe, you might value love, self-control, or patience.
Think deeply about your answers
You might push back, particularly on the first question. “I spend all my money on rent because I live in San Diego!” – Well, yes, you likely value time outside, comfortable weather, or athletic pursuits. The fact that someone chooses to spend a significant portion of their income on living in a pleasant climate means something.
Answering these questions will point you in the right direction. A potential next step is using stories to create a richer understanding of your value. Dr. Brené Brown suggests reflecting on the stories that have shaped your core values in life. If you value honesty, perhaps you had to tell a hard truth early on in your life. If you value kindness, perhaps you experienced uncommon kindness from someone when you most needed it. Digging into the stories that drive your values makes them real for you and for the people you share them with.
Once you have a list of core values that you feel somewhat confident with, pressure-test it. Have direct conversations with people you respect. Have them challenge your values so that you can better test out your ideas and ultimately articulate what you believe.
As a leader, you need to both personally understand your values and be able to articulate them clearly to avoid confusion. For example, if you say you value love, you might mean deep respect and holding people accountable to their best selves. If I think you mean forgiveness and coddling, we will have a rocky work relationship. A common understanding of your values helps you lead with greater clarity and energy.
Why core values matter
Clarity on decisions
When we understand our values, we can more easily choose between two good (or bad) options. Perhaps the offered promotion would be amazing, but you value your family and choose to stay where you are. Perhaps you could write all of your work with ChatGPT, but you value curiosity and learning, and you know you won’t learn if you outsource the work to an algorithm. Knowing your core values allows you to more consistently choose the direction that helps you become the person you want to be and minimizes regrets as you look back.
As a leader, the burden of decisions typically falls on you. When you can turn to your core values (and your team’s core values) to help prioritize risks and rewards, your team will respect your well-thought-out choices. Nobody wants a leader who seems like a “yes man” or can’t explain how they chose a challenging path.
Energy Management
When you know yourself, you can choose the assignments and actions that give you energy and acknowledge when you are in an energy sucking role. Living in line with your values will energize you. You will be excited about what you do, and you will be authentic to others. We burn energy trying to be what others expect us to be. When we can articulate who we are, the energy we burned up through insecurity becomes available for other pursuits like building key relationships, learning, or purpose-driven work.
Resolve conflict
Typically, when there is deep-seated interpersonal conflict, there are core values involved. When you feel tension in your relationships or on your team, take time to ask what values are driving the actions that bother you. When you address the value incongruence, you might find conflict resolution quickly. For example, if you value ‘respect’ and your coworker values ‘creative freedom’, you will chafe when your teammate shows up to meetings late. Often, we see team members resort to passive-aggressive snipes instead of curious questions at that point. “Oh, thank you for joining us, Fred,” cue the snide undertone. Everyone leaves with tight smiles and seething discontent. If, however, you can uncover the core values, you will likely meet in the middle. Your teammate likely does not want to make you feel disrespected, nor do you want them to feel caged in and unable to create. You’ll find a middle ground that honors both needs when you ask genuine and curious questions like, “What is important to you here?”
Develop character
Knowing your core values allows you to intentionally feel, think, say, and do things the way you would like to – and that is your character. If you can easily access your values, you can begin to assess your thoughts and actions against them and intentionally shape your character, acting in the ways you want to, rather than ways you regret.
When to revisit your core values
Sadly, people often look at a core values exercise as a ‘set it and forget it’ endeavor. Authentic leaders have a continuous internal conversation about their values. “Was that action in line with what I say I value?” “Are my values shifting as my life changes with family and seniority at work?”
Your values are unlikely to shift on a monthly or even yearly basis. They almost certainly will change at key junctures in your life. Adult development theory examines how our identities and perceptions evolve as we age and accumulate more experience. There are different stages in that trajectory, and it would be odd for your values not to shift as you move through them. For example, in the “expert” stage, you likely value efficiency and winning, whereas as you move into the “strategist” stage, you’ll value paradoxes and new perspectives. You will likely value achievement at some points in your life. As you build a family, you might instead emphasize quality time with loved ones.
Sharing core values with your team
High-performing teams discuss these values. People know each other, particularly what each person values, and this allows members to leverage strengths and avoid pet peeves. When we work with teams, we often start with developing personal user guides and a team charter. The user guide helps you communicate your work preferences, strengths, and goals. The team charter clarifies how to work together, ensuring everyone is on the same page and that everything operates smoothly. You can make your own user guide here and learn more about the team charter, as well as get a template here.
Wouldn’t the world be a little better if core values were closer to the surface? If instead of talking about the weather, we asked new people what they value most?
Do you need help clarifying your values or running this with your team? Get in touch with Cairn Leadership to start the conversation.
Want to get your team on the same page and working well together? Reach out for a complimentary assessment interview to see if we can help!
