The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Every leader can benefit from improving communication skills, but unfortunately we often assume we are not the one causing the problem. Mike Jones, one of our guides, has a day job running satellite communications for a large company. I love his story of sitting next to someone on a commercial flight. The frustrated passenger was trying to get the WiFi to work in air, and turned to Mike saying can you believe how hard this is?
Mike just laughed and said, “yea, it has to leave a moving airplane, go to space, and then find us again…”
What is Communication Anyway?
While communication can seem impossible, it simply comes down to exchanging information. The purpose of this exchange of information is to create a shared understanding. From creating a common operating picture in combat, that is, everyone knows where everyone is in the world, to creating strategic alignment for your sales teams, quality communication allows everyone to make decisions and act from the same page.
While the simple definition of helps us, creating quality communication takes us a step further. High-quality communication has three key qualities: succinct, clear, and kind.
Succinct means as brief as possible to create shared understanding. This does not mean short. For example, T.S. Elliot’s poem The Wasteland is not short. It would not, however, impart the understanding intended with fewer words. If you can cut words without losing clarity, you should. Communication between teammates who know and trust each other could be as succinct as a nod.
Clear means that the receiving party does not misinterpret the intention or meaning. The nod mentioned above to a new team member would almost certainly be confusing. Information theory provides all sorts of ways your message can be distorted on its way to your audience, so it’s important to craft and deliver a clear message. One key to this is consistently asking for feedback and checking for understanding – what researchers call closed-loop communication.
Finally, a clear, succinct message delivered without kindness can have the opposite of the intended impact. Considering the impact on your audience with kindness in mind is critical. J.D. Schramm says you should consider what you want your audience to think, feel, and do after receiving your communication. Using kindness in your communication enhances the outcomes of your messages.
A Useful Framework for communication
Claude Shannon came up with the mathematical architecture for electronic communication in this paper. I don’t understand much past the first section (when the letters start to mean numbers), but the basic theory has helped me become a much better communicator and our clients have consistently found it valuable.
Here is a simple diagram.
Claude Shannon published information theory in 1948. It has been a foundation for electronic communication and the internet since. Read more about it here!
Where to Improve communication skills
Every step of this process has potential pitfalls, and we don’t even go into noise here. Where does your communication tend to fall apart?
Encode the message:
To get information from one point to another, we have to translate the jumble of thoughts in our heads into something that will be compatible with the medium used to move the information (transmission method) and be compatible with the person who gets the message (receiver.)
Transmission compatibility:
Information moves over myriad channels. A look, a text, a letter, a conversation, tone, and stories can all all move information from once place to another. We often use the wrong medium for the message though. An email about a sensitive topic, a breakup by text, or a long winded in person update that should have been an email all end up being frustrating at best and hurtful at worst.
Receiver compatibility:
J. D. Schramm, a Stanford professor, sums up communication with the acronym AIM: Audience, Intent, and Medium. Check in with yourself when you communicate. Are you thinking about what you want to say, or what they need to hear? Are you thinking about how you want to say it or how they will receive it? Make the message for the other person, not for you.
Transmit the communication:
A common pitfall in communication is NOT communicating. Sometimes we assume that we communicated or think that the information is so obvious that we don’t need to communicate it. Other times we simply forget that we did not communicate or imagine that we will bring it up later like the bag of dog poop we forget to pick up on the way out of the park. Regardless of the reason, good communicators say it early, often, and clearly.
Personally, I have learned to recognize the “hmm, I hope they know [insert assumption here]” thought as a cue to speak up.
Receive the communication:
We hear about active listening all of the time, and we nod along dutifully. The whole nodding and paraphrasing is frankly annoying though. True listeners follow Stephen Covey’s habit #5: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” If you truly want to understand, you’ll look for and ask about how the other person feels. You’ll consider and ask how they want you to feel. You’ll genuinely clarify and ask curious questions. Don’t always assume people around you communicate poorly, first check your receiver!
Decode the message:
We all look at the world a little bit differently, so even when we listen with curiosity we still filter the meaning of the other person’s message through our own perspective. Usually this is ok, but if our decoder is adding information that is not there or distorting the message we could both think we share an understanding when we don’t. That leads to maximum frustration down the road.
Feedback loops for accuracy:
A clear feedback loop for communication can smooth out misunderstandings before they even start. This could be as simple as asking people to repeat back what they heard. Often people are afraid to admit they did not understand your instructions and simply hope they can figure it out later. Getting the feedback early in the process can eliminate so much waste and frustration.
Use phrases like “I think you’re saying” or “you must feel” to give feedback on understanding. Use phrases like “can you tell me what your next step is?” or “what do you think about that?” to initiate feedback.
Either way, don’t let fear and ego get in the way of a continuous loop of communication!
